A qualitative analysis and evaluation of social support received after experiencing a broken marriage engagement and impacts on holistic health

Wendy Riemann

doi:10.4081/qrmh.2024.11603

Authors

Wendy Riemann
Wendy.Riemann@gwu.edu
Department of Organizational Sciences and Communication, George Washington University, Washington, D.C., United States. https://orcid.org/0000-0001-8711-6708

This study provides new insights into the role of social support in the largely unexplored field of broken marriage engagements and an individual’s wellbeing. The study extends the Optimal Matching Theory (OMT) and the research surrounding helpful, unhelpful, and mixed social support. It uses constant comparison to examine the social support messages individuals received after telling others their engagement ended, as described in 43, in-depth, semi-structured interviews. Six types of helpful support messengers, six types of unhelpful support messengers, and four mixed messenger types were found. Receiver-centric messengers were found more helpful than messengers who centered on their own feelings and needs, sometimes to the detriment of the receiver’s own wellbeing. Being present, thoughtful, and intentional with words, can have a positive impact on a person’s holistic health, regardless of whether the relationship is a weak-tie or strong-tie. Using study findings, the Broken Engagement Message Stoplight is proposed, detailing messages that are generally helpful to a person’s overall wellbeing, should likely be avoided, and messages that should be said cautiously when interacting with someone experiencing a broken engagement.

Afifi, T., Afifi, W., Merrill, A. F., Denes, A., & Davis, S. (2013). “You need to stop talking about this!”: Verbal rumination and the costs of social support. Human Communication Research, 39(4), 395-421. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1111/hcre.12012

Albrecht, T. L., Burleson, B. R., & Goldsmith, D. J. (1994). Supportive communication. In M. L. Knapp & G. R. Miller (Eds.), Handbook of interpersonal communication (2nd ed., pp. 419– 449). SAGE.

Amato, P. R., & Previti, D. (2003). People's reasons for divorcing: Gender, social class, the life course, and adjustment. Journal of Family Issues, 24(5), 602-626. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X03024005002

Burleson, B.R., & Goldsmith, D.J. (1998). How the comforting process works: Alleviating emotional distress through conversationally induced reappraisals. In P.A. Anderson & L.K. Guerrero (Eds.), Handbook of communication and emotion: Theory, research, application, and contexts (pp. 245-280). Academic Press. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1016/B978-012057770-5/50011-4

Burleson, B. R., & Holmstrom, A. J. (2008). Comforting communication. The international encyclopedia of communication. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1002/9781405186407.wbiecc049

Burleson, B. R., & MacGeorge, E. L. (2002). Supportive communication. In M. L. Knapp & J. A. Daly (Eds.), Handbook of interpersonal communication (3rd ed., pp. 374–424). SAGE.

Charmaz, K. (2006). Constructing grounded theory: A practical guide through qualitative analysis. SAGE.

Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310-357. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1037//0033-2909.98.2.310

Cutrona, C. E. (1990). Stress and social support—In search of optimal matching. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 9(1), 3-14. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.1990.9.1.3

Cutrona C. E., & Russell D. W. (1990). Type of social support and specific stress: Toward a theory of optimal matching. In B. R. Sarason, I. G. Sarason, & G. R. Pierce (Eds.) Social support: An interactional view. pp. 319–366. John Wiley & Sons.

Cutrona, C. E., & Suhr, J. A. (1992). Controllability of stressful events and satisfaction with spouse support behaviors. Communication Research, 19(2), 154-174. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/009365092019002002

Dakof, G. A., & Taylor, S. E. (1990). Victims' perceptions of social support: What is helpful from whom? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 58(1), 80-89. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1037//0022-3514.58.1.80

Fisher, C. L. (2010). Coping with breast cancer across adulthood: Emotional support communication in the mother–daughter bond. Journal of Applied Communication Research, 38(4), 386-411. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1080/00909882.2010.513996

Goldsmith, D. J. (2004). Communicating social support. Cambridge University Press. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1017/CBO9780511606984

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony.

Grey, I., Arora, T., Thomas, J., Saneh, A., Tohme, P., & Abi-Habib, R. (2020). The role of perceived social support on depression and sleep during the COVID-19 pandemic. Psychiatry Research, 293, 113452. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychres.2020.113452

Guerrero, L. K., Jones, S. M., & Burgoon, J. K. (2000). Responses to nonverbal intimacy change in romantic dyads: Effects of behavioral valence and degree of behavioral change on nonverbal and verbal reactions. Communications Monographs, 67(4), 325-346. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1080/03637750009376515

House, J. S., Landis, K. R., & Umberson, D. (1988). Social relationships and health. Science, 241, (4865), 540-545. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1126/science.3399889

Iannarino, N. T., Scott, A. M., & Shaunfield, S. L. (2017). Normative social support in young adult cancer survivors. Qualitative Health Research, 27(2), 271-284. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/1049732315627645

Jacobson, D. E. (1986). Types and timing of social support. Journal of Health and Social Behavior,27(3), 250-264. https://doi.org/10.2307/2136745 DOI: https://doi.org/10.2307/2136745

Ki, E. J., & Jang, J. (2018). Social support and mental health: An analysis of online support forums for Asian immigrant women. Journal of Asian Pacific Communication, 28(2), 226-250. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1075/japc.00011.ki

Kitson, G. C., Babri, K. B., & Roach, M. J. (1985). Who divorces and why: A review. Journal of Family Issues, 6(3), 255-293. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/019251385006003002

Kreps, G. L. (2017). Stigma and the reluctance to address mental health issues in minority communities. Journal of Family Strengths, 17(1), Article 3. DOI: https://doi.org/10.58464/2168-670X.1340

Lewis, R. A. (1973). Social reaction and the formation of dyads: An interactionist approach to mate selection. Sociometry, 36(3), 409-418. DOI: https://doi.org/10.2307/2786342

McLaren, R. M., Solomon, D. H., & Priem, J. S. (2011). Explaining variation in contemporaneous responses to hurt in premarital romantic relationships: A relational turbulence model perspective. Communication Research, 38, 543–564. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/0093650210377896

Merluzzi, T. V., Philip, E. J., Yang, M., & Heitzmann, C. A. (2016). Matching of received social support with need for support in adjusting to cancer and cancer survivorship. Psycho‐oncology, 25(6), 684-690. h DOI: https://doi.org/10.1002/pon.3896

Messersmith, A. S., Kunkel, A., & Guthrie, J. (2015). Newlywed reports of social support during engagement: What worked and what failed. Communication Studies, 66(3), 257-276. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1080/10510974.2014.990046

Monk, J. K., Kanter, J. B., Jamison, T. B., & Russell, L. T. (2020). Beyond cold feet: Experiences of ending engagements and canceling weddings. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(12), 2921-2940. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520942590

Nissinen, S. & Paul, S. (2000). The conscious bride: Women unveil their true feelings about getting hitched. New Harbinger.

Nolen-Hoeksema, S., & Davis, C. G. (1999). ‘‘Thanks for sharing that’’: Ruminators and their social support networks. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77 (4), 801–814. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1037//0022-3514.77.4.801

Pandey, E. (2021, August 6). 2022 will see the most weddings since 1984. Axios. Available from: https://www.axios.com/wedding-industry-backed-up-busy-pandemic-86d89a77- bfcd-465a-b70c-f747d4eea728.html

Parks, M. R., & Adelman, M. B. (1983). Communication networks and the development of romantic relationships: An expansion of uncertainty reduction theory. Human Communication Research, 10(1), 55-79. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2958.1983.tb00004.x

Princing, M. (2021, September 8). What you need to know about toxic positivity. Right as Rain by UW Medicine. Available from: https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/well-being/toxic-positivity

Rhoades, G. K., Kamp Dush, C. M., Atkins, D. C., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2011). Breaking up is hard to do: The impact of unmarried relationship dissolution on mental health and life satisfaction. Journal of Family Psychology, 25(3), 366. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1037/a0023627

Sbarra, D. A., & Borelli, J. L. (2019). Attachment reorganization following divorce: Normative processes and individual differences. Current Opinion in Psychology, 25, 71-75. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.03.008

Schramme, Thomas. (2023). Health as complete well-being: The WHO definition and beyond, Public Health Ethics, phad017. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1093/phe/phad017

Scott, S. B., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., Allen, E. S., & Markman, H. J. (2013). Reasons for divorce and recollections of premarital intervention: Implications for improving relationship education. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 2(2), 131-145. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032025

Seraj, S., Blackburn, K. G., & Pennebaker, J. W. (2021). Language left behind on social media exposes the emotional and cognitive costs of a romantic breakup. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 118(7). DOI: https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2017154118

Slevin, M. L., Nichols, S. E., Downer, S. M., Wilson, P., Lister, T. A., Arnott, S., Maher, J., Souhami, R. L., Tobias, J. S., Goldstone, A. H., & Cody, M. (1996). Emotional support for cancer patients: what do patients really want? British Journal of Cancer, 74(8), 1275-1279. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1038/bjc.1996.529

Soulsby, L. K., & Bennett, K. M. (2015). Marriage and psychological wellbeing: The role of social support. Psychology, 6(11), 1349-1359. DOI: https://doi.org/10.4236/psych.2015.611132

Sprecher, S., & Felmlee, D. (1992). The influence of parents and friends on the quality and stability of romantic relationships: A three-wave longitudinal investigation. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 54(4) 888-900. DOI: https://doi.org/10.2307/353170

Stow, C. A. H. (2016). When" I Do" Becomes" I Don't": Exploring Communication Behaviors and Dialectical Tensions in Broken Engagements. 10242295. Doctoral Dissertation, University of Denver. Proquest.

Stroebe, M. S., & Stroebe, W. (1983). Who suffers more? Sex differences in health risks of the widowed. Psychological Bulletin, 93(2), 279-301. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1037//0033-2909.93.2.279

Sullivan, K. T., Pasch, L. A., Johnson, M. D., & Bradbury, T. N. (2010). Social support, problem solving, and the longitudinal course of newlywed marriage. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(4), 631–644. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1037/a0017578

Thoits, P. (1995). Stress, coping and social support processes: What Are we? What next? Journal of Health & Social Behavior, 53-79. DOI: https://doi.org/10.2307/2626957

Tran, K., Castiglioni, L., Walper, S., & Lux, U. (2023). Resolving relationship dissolution—What predicts emotional adjustment after breakup? Family Process, e12914. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12914

Uchino, B. N., Carlisle, M., Birmingham, W., & Vaughn, A. A. (2011). Social support and the reactivity hypothesis: Conceptual issues in examining the efficacy of received support during acute psychological stress. Biological Psychology, 86(2), 137-142. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsycho.2010.04.003

van der Watt, A. S., Roos, A., Lesch, E., & Seedat, S. (2023). Factors associated with breakup distress following a romantic relationship dissolution among emerging adult students. Journal of Psychology in Africa, 33(2), 183-188. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1080/14330237.2023.2190232

Vaughan, D. (1986). Uncoupling: Turning points in intimate relationships. Oxford University Press.

Walker, K. N., MacBride, A., & Vachon, M. L. (1977). Social support networks and the crisis of bereavement. Social Science & Medicine (1967), 11(1), 35-41. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1016/0037-7856(77)90143-3

Wanzer, M. B., & Czapla, J. (2022). “I looked it up and you’ll probably be fine”: Cancer survivors’ perceptions of helpful and unhelpful support messages and sources. Communication Quarterly, 70(4), 382-406. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1080/01463373.2022.2074303

World Health Organization. (1948). Preamble to the Constitution of WHO as adopted by the International Health Conference. www.who.int/about/accountability/ governance/constitution

Wright, K. (2016). Social networks, interpersonal social support, and health outcomes: A health communication perspective. Frontiers in Communication, 1, 10. DOI: https://doi.org/10.3389/fcomm.2016.00010

Wright, K. B., & Miller, C. H. (2010). A measure of weak-tie/strong-tie support network preference. Communication Monographs, 77(4), 500-517. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1080/03637751.2010.502538

Xu, Y., & Burleson, B. R. (2001). Effects of sex, culture, and support type on perceptions of spousal social support: An assessment of the “support gap” hypothesis in early marriage. Human Communication Research, 27(4), 535-566. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2958.2001.tb00792.x

Riemann, Wendy. 2024. “A Qualitative Analysis and Evaluation of Social Support Received After Experiencing a Broken Marriage Engagement and Impacts on Holistic Health”. Qualitative Research in Medicine and Healthcare 8 (1). https://doi.org/10.4081/qrmh.2024.11603.